Something That Happened.

Been considering producing a "show" for a 'Net radio station/website, but I have to admit I have some insecurities about the deal. What attracted me to the site, I believe, was a combination of timing and potential: A fellow joined my 'Net radio forum, immediately spamming the group with information regarding his talk radio station. In his post, he also put out a notice that his station was looking to fill a variety of time slots. I took the bait, visiting the site and listening to its programming a bit. Though the site looked a bit amateur-ish, it had some potential, and the show I first listened to had a host with a great voice for radio; the host also seemed to understand how to entertain (rather than bore) his audience.



So I think it was that first night, while listening to that first show, that I first began to consider the possibility of joining the station. You know me (or perhaps you don't, if this is your first time visiting/reading this site of mine) -- I'm always producing podcasts and all kinds of other digital media for the Internet. First it was my live broadcasts on Live365 (which ultimately led to my project VoyagerRadio). Then it was my series of podcasts presented here on something that happened. Then it was my music podcast Tempo of the Down, which I'll (cross my fingers) soon be producing again. Then, it was video, which I've still a mind to produce, though I'm focusing more of my efforts on producing audio more regularly again.



It was natural for me to be attracted to the idea of producing live 'Net radio again. So I began making plans, in my own mind, to make an effort toward achieving that goal. I made contacts with the hosts of the shows I had listened to on the station. I let them know I was interested in hosting my own show. I disappeared for a week or two, forgetting about the station, then returned and began listening more regularly. I feared I was beginning to become an annoyance, but then realized (due to the silence within their online forums) that I was possibly their best listener -- certainly the most motivated to participate within their community.



Then I went on vacation, and didn't listen to the station for another couple of weeks. After "tuning in" again for about a week or so, I finally decided it was time to seriously consider producing my own show. So I contacted the main guy behind the station -- the Program Director, he might be, I don't know -- and let him know I was ready to produce a show. I pitched my idea, he welcomed it, and tonight (Memorial Day Monday) I'm supposed to go live for one hour, 10 p.m. Eastern.



Well. The insecurities, or something akin to that, must have begun kicking in sometime mid-week, really taking hold this weekend. Part of me wants to plunge in and do the best damn show I can produce. The other part of me wants to run. I don't know what it is, exactly -- it seems I'm already looking for flaws within the system, reasons not to maintain my commitment. I've begun posting inflammatory remarks in the station's forums; I've begun feeling defensive toward any remark remotely sarcastic. In a word (or a few, really), I'm looking for a way out.



Yet: I don't want to quit -- not unless the guys turn out to be a bunch of jerks. They seem alright, though, for a bunch of egotistic wanna-be broadcasters. I suspect they may need to get over themselves a bit, but I have to admit that it's just possible their confidence turns me off simply because I possess so little of it these days. Perhaps if I stick with it, this will be good for my recovery. So I think I'm going to give it a shot.



Stay tuned.

I'm not your typical gamer, but this preview of Starcraft II has got me excited...

Technorati Tags: Starcraft, Blizzard, games, PC games, Mac games

Crazy Love, a film I will be enjoying soon.

Technorati Tags: Crazy Love, film, movie, documentary, love story

Money. "Money money money mo-ney...money!!!" Aargh, it's the root. Of all evil. Nothing new to tell you there. But sometimes you feel it more than at other times. I mean, really feel it. Like when you're behind on your rent. Well, I suppose it doesn't feel like the root of all evil when the rent's due, but it sure doesn't feel nice. It feels mean. (Though my landlords are nice, they fix my locks, so it's not like they're mean or anything, they simply seem to forget to perform some maintenance from time to time, and they don't screen prospective tenants very well...but I digress.)



Lemme start over. Money feels like it's the root of all evil when you want to visit your mom but can't because you don't have enough money to pay the rent, let alone the transportation and meal expenses for the day spent with The Woman Who Gave Birth To You. But that's bullshit, you realize, when you think of the money you spent on that expensive computer part last month. Was your mom in your thoughts when you PayPal'ed that money to that eBay seller, dude? Evil is when your mind is consumed with guilt, shame, sadness, and pain due to your lack of a clams, your inability to horde the coinage.

Technorati Tags: something that happened

Labels: commentary, good and evil, mom, money, observations

Man, now what do I do? I needed the money (for rent) desperately, so I sold an expensive computer component on eBay to some dude in Australia, and now he's telling me the part isn't working in his Mac. Great. Just swell. I know this part worked perfectly when I sent it out last week.

E62, Part Six: Wow, it's 8 o'clock *in the morning* and I'm sitting
outside one of my favorite places; in fifteen minutes there will be a
meeting for drunks here, one that I am destined to attend. Three
meeting in less than 24 hours! (Four in 36!) That's *got* to be a
new record, or approaching one...

Labels: E62, mobile posts

E62, Part Five: Still feeling shaky after the AA meeting; I'm
thinking I might go to another this evening, perhaps the men's stag
meeting nearby. I feel like I need that meeting or something.
Perhaps any will do, but I sense that it will be a good meeting to
attend. It's like I simply didn't get enough from attending one
meeting today, or this past week.

Labels: E62, mobile posts

E62, Part Four: Another day, and let's make it to another meeting (or
Meeting, with a capital M). Two days in a row, why not? Today has
been a restful day for this has-been, a day spent watching a
documentary about Starbucks. (How's that for a sober experience?) A
restful day, for the most part, though the mind is always restless. A
day on a path unlikely to lead to a bar then jail or a car crash. A
decent day, you could say, though some of my obsessions are still
getting the best of me.

Labels: E62, mobile posts

E62, Part Three: Seems I'm posting about sobriety, or living sober,
alot lately. Well, that is a big part of my life right now, trying to
live without alcohol or pills or any other mind-altering substance
(besides caffeine). That's just the way it is; I've got to maintain.
Otherwise, I'm just floating out there, not doing much living. Not
healthy living, anyway. So that's that -- death or life, and I'm
choosing life, for the most part. Still have to cut this (renewed)
smoking habit.

Labels: E62, mobile posts

E62, Part Two: So now I return to my 12-Step meeting, an afternoon
group with an interesting format. I haven't gone to this meeting for
a week. It feels good to be typing this. Soothing. I wait across
the street, bitter aftertaste of a cigarette in my mouth, anticipating
the serenity that will come from the occasion.

Labels: E62, mobile posts

Dreamed about The Boys this afternoon, those two small dogs I lived with as a teenager. They were hangin' with me, at the store -- a supermarket, probably -- and as always, I was having difficulty keeping them from running away. I sensed they'd come back; I seemed to know they'd return. But still, there was the sense of anxiety over the possibility of them getting run over or something.



I hugged and kissed those dogs to annoyance...

Technorati Tags: something that happened, dream, dogs, pets, The Boys, memories

Labels: dreams, memories, pets, The Boys

E62, Part One: Find myself in serious jeopardy, missing a meeting --
and for what? A cup of coffee I don't need and an excuse? (Yes, I
need to do homework, but isn't my recovery more important?) Well,
tomorrow I'll surely make a meeting...

Labels: E62, mobile posts

I intend to blog from my phone, a Nokia E62. So here's my first post,
which I'm sending to go@blogger.com. From there, Blogger will convert
my email into a blog, and then I will claim that blog. Once claimed,
I will integrate the blog into my existing blog. By the time you read
this post, the blog may already be integrated.

Labels: E62, mobile posts