Something That Happened.

Been considering producing a "show" for a 'Net radio station/website, but I have to admit I have some insecurities about the deal. What attracted me to the site, I believe, was a combination of timing and potential: A fellow joined my 'Net radio forum, immediately spamming the group with information regarding his talk radio station. In his post, he also put out a notice that his station was looking to fill a variety of time slots. I took the bait, visiting the site and listening to its programming a bit. Though the site looked a bit amateur-ish, it had some potential, and the show I first listened to had a host with a great voice for radio; the host also seemed to understand how to entertain (rather than bore) his audience.



So I think it was that first night, while listening to that first show, that I first began to consider the possibility of joining the station. You know me (or perhaps you don't, if this is your first time visiting/reading this site of mine) -- I'm always producing podcasts and all kinds of other digital media for the Internet. First it was my live broadcasts on Live365 (which ultimately led to my project VoyagerRadio). Then it was my series of podcasts presented here on something that happened. Then it was my music podcast Tempo of the Down, which I'll (cross my fingers) soon be producing again. Then, it was video, which I've still a mind to produce, though I'm focusing more of my efforts on producing audio more regularly again.



It was natural for me to be attracted to the idea of producing live 'Net radio again. So I began making plans, in my own mind, to make an effort toward achieving that goal. I made contacts with the hosts of the shows I had listened to on the station. I let them know I was interested in hosting my own show. I disappeared for a week or two, forgetting about the station, then returned and began listening more regularly. I feared I was beginning to become an annoyance, but then realized (due to the silence within their online forums) that I was possibly their best listener -- certainly the most motivated to participate within their community.



Then I went on vacation, and didn't listen to the station for another couple of weeks. After "tuning in" again for about a week or so, I finally decided it was time to seriously consider producing my own show. So I contacted the main guy behind the station -- the Program Director, he might be, I don't know -- and let him know I was ready to produce a show. I pitched my idea, he welcomed it, and tonight (Memorial Day Monday) I'm supposed to go live for one hour, 10 p.m. Eastern.



Well. The insecurities, or something akin to that, must have begun kicking in sometime mid-week, really taking hold this weekend. Part of me wants to plunge in and do the best damn show I can produce. The other part of me wants to run. I don't know what it is, exactly -- it seems I'm already looking for flaws within the system, reasons not to maintain my commitment. I've begun posting inflammatory remarks in the station's forums; I've begun feeling defensive toward any remark remotely sarcastic. In a word (or a few, really), I'm looking for a way out.



Yet: I don't want to quit -- not unless the guys turn out to be a bunch of jerks. They seem alright, though, for a bunch of egotistic wanna-be broadcasters. I suspect they may need to get over themselves a bit, but I have to admit that it's just possible their confidence turns me off simply because I possess so little of it these days. Perhaps if I stick with it, this will be good for my recovery. So I think I'm going to give it a shot.



Stay tuned.