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Thursday, September 11, 2003

Regrets...
I've had a few.
But then again,
Too few to mention!
--"My Way",
written by Paul Anka
When I hear that song, I think of Frank Sinatra, and sometimes Elvis or Sid Vicious -- all of whom have been known to perform, in their own unique manner, that wonderful song. Wonderful because -- though I don't always enjoy hearing it, I've heard it so much -- the song is a wonderful personal anthem. That's something we all need: a personal anthem. A song that praises our individuality; a mark of devotion to oneself. After all, they say you're going to have a helluva time loving anyone else unless you've first learned to love yourself, right?

This is not to replace your love for your God, or your spouse, or your family. I'm simply saying that we all need to give ourselves a bit more self-love at this time of year. (No, not that type of self-love !) Too many of us beat up on ourselves throughout the year, and then nearly destroy ourselves at year's end. No wonder there are so many suicides during the Holidays; the messages bombarding us are to Buy Buy Buy and to Give Give Give -- but what if you have nothing to give but love? If you have a dearth of that good stuff, then you'll have a bitch of a time spreading it around to your neighbors.

So be good to yourself, whether you're Christian, Pagan, Wiccan, Athiest, Hindu, Islamic, Mormon, Podcastin, or otherwise. Don't take the pills, they won't do you or anyone else any good; you'll simply miss out on the Next Big Thing (which may turn out to be Your Next Big Thing). Just do things your own way, singing that little hymn as you do so:
For what is a man,
What has he got?
If not himself,
Then he has naught.
To say the things,
He truly feels,
And not the words,
Of one who kneels.
The record shows,
I took the blows
And did it my way!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I just learned that author Roald Dahl had a child with hydrocephalus, and as a result became involved in the development of the Wade-Dahl-Till (WDT) valve, which I'm guessing is a shunt-like device. So if they stick this shunt in my mom's head, will she have dreams of Chocolate Factories, Giant Peaches and Glass Elevators? As long as those dreams don't include any Vermicious Knids, I suppose she'll be fine...

I often wonder what my mom's dreams are like now. What does a mind riddled with Alzheimer's or dementia think? What does a mind swimming in the abyss of Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus (NPH) grasp as reality? Is it a frightening place to inhabit, full of the demons of confusion, or is it a peaceful experience, blissfully unaware of the trials of life? Is it generally more akin to the balanced nature of a "normal" state of mind, in which our daily joys and horrors are compartmentalized and framed so that we may breathe more easy?

I'm inclined to believe it's closer to the latter description than either of the former, but I'm hoping that's not simply wishful thinking. Looking upon my mom's face, often twisted in anguish, I'm drawn to wonder whether she's in a constant state of distress. Of course, I may just be obsessing on the negative expressions, ignoring the occasions of her more peaceful aspect.
posted by Harold  9/14/2005 04:00:00 PM
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I once posted, in this space (this right column), the following:

If I had friends they would be listed here

That particular bit o' text, that silly and idiotic phrase, was repeated a dozen or two dozen or so times and was intended to be temporary. I had been working on a project -- a new layout for this blog -- and had intended for that text to be placeholder content. That is, the text was supposed to temporarily replace the content that had previously occupied this column (which was a list of links to friends -- that is, other blogs and web sites I linked to). I didn't know what content I was going to place into that (this) space, so I placed a bunch of duplicate phrases here as a placeholder so that I would remember to fill in this space again later.

At the same time, I thought I was being cute with the heading:

NEW & IMPROVED FRIENDS!

The fact remains: I still don't know what content to put here, in this column. Links again? Pictures? Video? Audio? Ads? Oh, hell no! It hasn't come to me yet, but I'm sure it will eventually, and when it does it'll come quick and (as usual) with consequences.