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Thursday, September 11, 2003

Regrets...
I've had a few.
But then again,
Too few to mention!
--"My Way",
written by Paul Anka
When I hear that song, I think of Frank Sinatra, and sometimes Elvis or Sid Vicious -- all of whom have been known to perform, in their own unique manner, that wonderful song. Wonderful because -- though I don't always enjoy hearing it, I've heard it so much -- the song is a wonderful personal anthem. That's something we all need: a personal anthem. A song that praises our individuality; a mark of devotion to oneself. After all, they say you're going to have a helluva time loving anyone else unless you've first learned to love yourself, right?

This is not to replace your love for your God, or your spouse, or your family. I'm simply saying that we all need to give ourselves a bit more self-love at this time of year. (No, not that type of self-love !) Too many of us beat up on ourselves throughout the year, and then nearly destroy ourselves at year's end. No wonder there are so many suicides during the Holidays; the messages bombarding us are to Buy Buy Buy and to Give Give Give -- but what if you have nothing to give but love? If you have a dearth of that good stuff, then you'll have a bitch of a time spreading it around to your neighbors.

So be good to yourself, whether you're Christian, Pagan, Wiccan, Athiest, Hindu, Islamic, Mormon, Podcastin, or otherwise. Don't take the pills, they won't do you or anyone else any good; you'll simply miss out on the Next Big Thing (which may turn out to be Your Next Big Thing). Just do things your own way, singing that little hymn as you do so:
For what is a man,
What has he got?
If not himself,
Then he has naught.
To say the things,
He truly feels,
And not the words,
Of one who kneels.
The record shows,
I took the blows
And did it my way!

Friday, January 30, 2004

Sperm all over the place! In Taiwan yesterday a 60-ton sperm whale exploded on a busy street, "showering cars and shops with blood and organs".

This event may seem rather juvenile to mention, and usually I'm not too interested in stuff like this--but sometimes you've just gotta pause and take a look at the strange, strange world we're living it. For example, what was a whale doing in the street, anyway? Was it trying to find a shortcut through Taipei on its annual transpacific trek? Was it on its way to the National Taipei University to take a class in English as a Second Language? Perhaps it was simply crossing the street to get a cup of Joe at Starbucks, intending to explode in the cafe to take revenge on the infamous coffee chain for its being named after the famous whale-killer of Herman Melville's classic, Moby Dick.

This event reminds me of a scene in Monty Python's Meaning of Life. An extremely overweight man, weighing in at probably around 500 pounds, walks into a restaurant. Recognizing the man, fish--terrified--quickly hide behind rocks in the restaurant's fishtank. The man sits down at a table by himself and orders literally everything on the menu--"I'll have the lot", he proclaims--and proceeds to eat course after course of the restaurant's offerings. As he chews on turkey drumsticks and slobbers on several dishes, the man vomits in a bucket between bites. The bucket fills rapidly and the waiter replaces it with another, racing to keep up with the diner as another bucket is filled, and another, and another, as the man vomits all over the floor and eventually on the waiter as he is bent over to replace a bucket.

The scene is hilarious, believe it or not, and made funny only in the way that the men of Monty Python can. The scene culminates with the diner, done with his meal, accepting a "wafer-thin mint" from the waiter, who carefully places it on the man's tongue. The waiter then runs for cover, diving behind a some potted plants while the diner's indigestion steadily builds...

...exploding in a furious eruption of blood and guts which splatters all over the restaurant and its guests. The diner, still alive, sits there, a gaping whole in what remains of his torso, his heart--now exposed--beating steadily.

Disgusting, huh? But funny, oh so funny, in that strange way.
posted by Harold  1/30/2004 03:31:00 PM
Comments:
I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 4:46 PM
 
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I once posted, in this space (this right column), the following:

If I had friends they would be listed here

That particular bit o' text, that silly and idiotic phrase, was repeated a dozen or two dozen or so times and was intended to be temporary. I had been working on a project -- a new layout for this blog -- and had intended for that text to be placeholder content. That is, the text was supposed to temporarily replace the content that had previously occupied this column (which was a list of links to friends -- that is, other blogs and web sites I linked to). I didn't know what content I was going to place into that (this) space, so I placed a bunch of duplicate phrases here as a placeholder so that I would remember to fill in this space again later.

At the same time, I thought I was being cute with the heading:

NEW & IMPROVED FRIENDS!

The fact remains: I still don't know what content to put here, in this column. Links again? Pictures? Video? Audio? Ads? Oh, hell no! It hasn't come to me yet, but I'm sure it will eventually, and when it does it'll come quick and (as usual) with consequences.